


i'll die anyway

by mell0bee



Category: The Dragon Prince (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Death, F/M, Feels, Gen, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, No Dialogue, You're Welcome, basically moonshadow elf assassins are EXTREMELY self-sacrificial and that's rayla's mindset, death mentions, implied pining, is that a thing lol, its basically just my very angsty rayla character headcanons before s3, no actual death besides canon stuff though, oh boy that's a lot of angst whoops, rated teen for ANGST, rayla's brain is very messed up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2019-11-19
Packaged: 2021-02-13 02:17:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21486688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mell0bee/pseuds/mell0bee
Summary: Rayla stared at the two bands around her wrists. They were an oath: my heart for Xadia.She was probably going to die tonight. All of them were.She just hoped her hands wouldn’t fall off of her corpse when she was dead. Not that it mattered, not that she would be there to see it.(a fic about how Rayla's idea/relationship with her own death changes throughout the series up until the end of s2)
Relationships: Callum & Rayla (The Dragon Prince), Callum/Rayla (The Dragon Prince)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 51





	i'll die anyway

**Author's Note:**

> a warning: this fic talks about death. a lot.

Rayla stared at the two bands around her wrists. 

They were an oath: _ my heart for Xadia. _

Her hands, too. 

She was probably going to die tonight. All of them were. Sieging a castle in the moonlight. For their land, for their cause. 

She just hoped her hands wouldn’t fall off of her corpse when she was dead.

Not that it mattered, not that she would be there to see it. 

_ I’ll die anyway. _

\-----

If she didn’t die, Runaan was going to kill her.

She pulled the human princes away from danger. They were racing, now, down and out of the castle, clutching onto that egg for dear life. 

She understood now. She could stop thousands more from dying if she could get that egg to the Dragon Queen. She could stop all the attacking and assasination and bring peace.

Which would mean very well not having a family when she came back. He’d either be dead or he would kill her for helping these human boys. 

Well, _ if _she came back. 

A Moonshadow assassin is always willing to die for their cause. And right now, her cause was more important than _ anything _ she’d ever fought for. It was _ way _bigger than she could ever fathom, and she might be the only one able to protect the princes. 

So, she’d die for the egg. 

_ I’ll die anyway. _

\-----

She ended up liking them more than she wanted. 

It felt good to talk to someone her age. Instead of being the baby of the group, she was actually older than both of them. Ezran was endearing and sensitive, and Callum was… not the most agreeable person she’d met, but charming all the same. And it was so, so refreshing and different to talk to either of them. 

Which is why it was _ so _hard to tell them. 

She stared at the one band on her wrist. Ezran’s band. The one left alive. 

Death and abandonment were so normal in her life, but they were different from her. More innocent, per se. At least they had a fraction of family left. But she knew how hard it hurt when she left her family, and this was a million times worse. 

She was… _ attached _ to them. 

And they were important, too. Delivering the egg needed humans, not elves. So they _ couldn’t _ die. So _ she _ could die. 

So she didn’t want them to feel _ bad. _It was her job to protect them. From everything.

She’d have to tell them eventually. 

_ I’ll die anyway. _

\-----

He couldn’t understand that he was too important to die. 

He couldn’t understand that she was _ expendable _ , for every use of the word. Her cause was what she’d be expendable _ for. _ And _ he _ was her cause. Him and his little brother and the baby dragon. 

He was too stubborn. Too attached to her. And she _ hated _dark magic. He shouldn’t have touched it. 

She knew, deep down, that he didn’t want her to die, especially not for him (and a part of her wanted to stay alive for him, because his companionship gave her happiness. Actual, genuine happiness and belonging. And that same part of her wanted to get closer and closer, but she _ couldn’t _). 

She didn’t want him to die, either. But more importantly, he _ needed _ to stay alive. Otherwise, her cause would be for naught. Otherwise, more people would die. Otherwise, the war could wage on for twice as long as it had been going. 

Still, she could have handled it by herself. She could have kept him safe. 

_ I’ll die anyway. _

\-----

She felt something else when she almost lost him. 

Like she had given up on all just causes. Like she wasn’t thinking of the scope for once. Like all sense of duty and ingrained morals had left her. Like she was acting on pure instinct.

Like she wanted him to stay alive for _ her _, and that’s all that mattered.

It was stressful, and painful, but at the same time…

It felt _ great. _

Is this how he felt? 

Still, she realized that her goals and the greater good’s goals shared him in common. Responsibility crashed down upon her. She felt like she needed to protect him even more now that Ezran was out of her hands and that they were almost to the Dragon Queen. 

Though, she thought back to those few moments often. 

And felt guilty for forgetting her cause right afterwards. 

Him, her cause. Him and the baby dragon. 

She wished she could get through to him that no matter how much he cared for her, it still didn’t matter what happened to her. 

_ I’ll die anyway. _

**Author's Note:**

> so it's 12 am and ive been doing homework for. 6 hours straight but this idea wouldn't leave my head 
> 
> i've been playing a lot of d&d lately and consuming a lot of d&d content and because pc death is so prominent i feel like most pcs have an opinion on their own/others' deaths. it's really easy (esp. at higher levels) to adopt the mindset of 'what we're doing is so much bigger than we are, i'm okay with dying so long as my goals are accomplished/i will literally actually sacrifice myself and be okay with that' and how forming bonds/attachments screws with that. idk man. 
> 
> rayla was raised with this 'die for your cause' idea and it 100% haunts her. here's to being hyped for season 3 being rayla's season. rayla iluuuuuu and i hope they address her self-sacrificial tendencies in s3. 
> 
> now im gonna get back to studying and eat ben and jerrys and cry probably
> 
> edit: my friend made a sort of post-s3 sequel to this! it's in the related works! check it out!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [But I'll Live For You.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21657586) by [xSugaritos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xSugaritos/pseuds/xSugaritos)


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